Jamie's Blog

an excerpt from a previous entry of mine:

The importance of balance [in a relationship] is shown in the following example. A couple has been married for ten years. The husband is generally a loving man, except that when he drinks he turns into a totally different person. He becomes verbally and physically abusive. The wife has stood by her man for those ten years, sometimes with happiness, and at other times with fear. The situation ends when one night while under the influence, he beats her to death. In this situation, the woman sacrificed her safety and welfare for her love, but was this reasonable? People take a vow to stay by their mates in sickness and in health, until death do they part, but is it always right to keep this vow?

Happy Birthday Darling!!

The Tao of Love: Part 4

On Devotion and One’s Motivation For It

Devotion is selfless affection and dedication for your partner. Liek the other keys to sustaining mutual love, devotion should always be reciprocal. Each partner’s state of mind should be to love the other without the expectation that they will be “rewarded.”

This statement may seem to come in direct conflict with the previous sentence about devotion being reciprocal, but therein lies the crux of my argument. While devotion should be freely felt and given by both partners, the expectation that one will recieve it cheapens the ideal.

Why does it cheapen it? When the expectations that one will recieve something for one’s devotion, it may become the sole or prominent reason that you give it. Consequently, one may start to demand a certain level of devotion, and should that level fall short of satisfaction, problems can ensue.

An interesting thing about devotion, is that when a man shows it in strength, other males sometimes mock it with claims of a lack of masculinity and control. While this is sometimes the case in those relationships that lack balance, other times it is truly those men in control of themselves that are able to fully and selflessly give to their mate. The men who truly believe the insults they spew often times do not understand the beauties of sacrifice and devotion as they relate to love. (Take the previous paragraph with a grain of salt, it is probably the most subjective of my statements so far.)

How can one express devotion for his partner? Be attentive to her needs and wants. Be thoughtful and kind and considerate. Always be respectful (this has previously been mentioned). Give time and affection freely and plentifully. These are all ways that one can express his love and dedication.

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The Tao of Love Part 3: On the Importance of Mutual Respect and Understanding

The Tao of Love: Part 3

On the Importance of Mutual Respect and Understanding

All should know that respect is an imporant part of any relationship, but it is especially important between a couple. Respect relates to the two previously mentioned requisities for healthy love, sacrifice and balance. Respect for your partner should lead you to both of these.

What does respect encompass exactly? One must never dismiss their partner by ignoring their words or by being deaf to their requests. If one partner asks something of the other, it is up to that partner to listen and understand that request. Through thoughtful communication, earnest attempts, and careful understanding, some conclusion should be reached that satisfies both parties. Compromise will be necessary in many situations, but the final decision should be acceptable to each partner.

Respect entails understanding in other senses as well. There will be times during the relationship when one partner is going through a difficult time, which should (since we are assuming they are deeply intimate) also gravely influence the life of the other partner. It is up to the partner who is not actually experiencing the turmoil to do his best to understand his partner’s situation, and help that partner cope with it.

This is still the case when both partners are going through trying times. Each partner must help the other cope, and attempt to be selfless enough so that they can support the other. One must sacrifice and cope with his own pain, in the interest of helping his partner’s pain.

Men and women who came from patriarchial households may also interpret respect to mean that between a man (as head of the household) and woman (as his subordinate). I will attempt no discourse on this as ones perspective originates with the environment of his youth. The only comment I must add is to emphasize again, that respect, like love, should be mutual.

Respect in a relationship comes in many other forms and is by no means limited to the situations which I have noted. Again, it is up to each person herself to decide and interpret the importance and impact of respect in her relationship.

Part 4: On Devotion and One’s Motivation For It

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Part 2: On the Importance of Maintaining Equilibrium in Love

The Tao of Love: Part 2

On the Importance of Maintaining Equilibrium in Love

To sustain mutual love, balance is vitally important. In a relationship permeated by respect, each partner must be sympathetic with the other. One partner should not be the exclusive “giver.” Both partners should do their best to give everything they can to the relationship and to each other. While this is vitally important in keeping a relationship healthy and alive, it should not be so forced that it goes against your impulses. Balance should never be forced, but always attempted. There are many problems that can arise from an unbalanced relationship.

When a couple fails to maintain the balance in a relationship, feelings of inadequacy, neglect, and disappreciativeness can arise. This is heavily related to the passage about sacrifice.

A friend asked me the other day, “You said you are truly in love. What would happen if you couldn’t be with your girl for ten years? Would you stay with her? How long could you wait?” When I replied that it depended on the circumstances of our seperation, he said that if I truly loved her I would wait as long as it took, no matter what the circumstances were.

In my mind, a situation such as this deals with not only sacrifice, but balance. While sacrifice is rooted in the principles of ideal and pure love, balance is based on the realistic and practical side of it. Why should there be a practical side to love? The totally idealistic view of love that some people have is impossible given the flawed nature of humanity–keep in mind that I speak of romantic love, not the kind between a mother and son, or a god and his disciple.

The importance of balance is show in the following example. A couple has been married for ten years. The husband is generally a loving man, except that when he drinks he turns into a totally different person. He becomes verbally and physically abusive. The wife has stood by her man for those ten years, sometimes with happiness, and at other times with fear. The situation ends when one night while under the influence, he beats her to death. In this situation, the woman sacrificed her safety and welfare for her love, but was this reasonable? People take a vow to stay by their mates in sickness and in health, until death do they part, but is it always right to keep this vow?

Balance is not only important in sustaining mutual love, but also a prerequisite for love itself. A relationship in which love is not reciprocated is no relationship at all. For love to exist, feelings must be reciprocated. Otherwise, love becomes obsession or any number of alternatively unhealthy emotions. Examples of this are the women who stay with abusive husbands and obsessive stalkers.

Through balance, each member of the relationship can maintain their mental welfare. It is up to each person to decide which, either balance or sacrifice, is more important to the relationship or whether both are equally so. The decision may rely heavily on whether one’s practical side is more potent than one’s idealistic side.

The Tao of Love Part 3: On the Importance of Mutual Respect and Understanding

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The Tao of Love Part 1: On the Subject of Sacrifice as it Pertains to the Nature of Love

This week, my darling baby bear moves into the ripe age of twenty. In celebration, I plan to compose a week-long series of entries inspired by her! (I emphasize the word plan.)

The thoughts below reflect my opinion alone. Feel free to share your opinion in a constructive manner.

(Please excuse my extremely blemished face and yellow teeth)

The Tao of Love: Part 1

On the Subject of Sacrifice as it Pertains to the Nature of Love

The nature of love is sacrifice. To truly love, you must be willing to sacrifice. Although the degree of one’s love is not expressly proportionate to the amount one is willing to sacrifice, it is a good indicator when combined with certain other factors I won’t elaborate upon in this passage.

What are you willing to give up for love? Friends? Family? A career? Your nature? These are all things which some of us may have difficulty sacrificing, and there are many who would say that love is not worth the sacrifice of any of these.

Still, I sincerely believe that love is worth giving up any and all of these things. I do not speak of the crush that sits in the front of the class with the vooice of honey. I do not speak of the one-night stand that you met during spring break. No, I do not speak of the guy that you’ve been dating for years but hardly talk to and rarely see. I speak of love in the most beautiful sense–that which is shared by two people who not only respect each other, but respect themselves. The love that one finds in intimacy, shared triumph and pain, and in silent company is worth everything. That love that brews warmly at times–bubbling and hot at others.

To this, my opponents would respond that one should not have to sacrifice so much for his mate. My counter to this is that, while one should be willing to sacrifice so much, his partner should not ask it of him, and vice-versa. In this way, the equation of love remains balanced, as it always should be.

An important thing of note would be that this sacrifice should never occur with regret, spite, or ire. Love is so powerful, so poignant, that the idea of the sacrifice should not be that you are giving something up, but that you are gaining something else. Love should make all of us men and women want to be better persons for the sake of our mates. Less cruelty, less anger, less spite, less greed, more generosity, more care, more kindness, and more understanding should all be requisites of love.

So all ye men and women, give up your pride, your anger, your scorn, your jealousy, your greed, your callousness, learn to love yourself, and then love. Love as you never have loved. Love as if ur life depended on it, because if it truly is love, then it does!

The Tao of Love Part 2: On the Importance of Maintaining Equilibrium in Love

BenXiaoHai and Wen_He are arguing about maturity. The following is my response. Be prepared for inside jokes.

My definition of maturity: (from dictionary.com) The state or quality of being fully grown or developed.

Wen_He if you’re trying to be fully grown already and emphasize it that’s okay. You gotta realize that we like the person you were before. BenXiaoHai, stop hasslin her even if she IS annoying.

Personally I don’t think anyone can ever be sufficiently developed or fully “grown” so maturity is one of those illusory ideals that people stretch for but can never truly attain. I bet JadedStaccato has a lot to say on the issue as well.

Basically, everyone stop blaming each other for who we are becoming. BenXiaoHai is becoming a jackass and Wen_He is becoming a boring, dry adult. I am still the same old cocky DaAznAngel however! We all gotta realize that despite our best intentions (like being mature and responsible) sometimes it won’t work out like we planned and not all people will agree with our intent.

Bah…I should follow my own advice aye? That’s the TRUE mark of a wise man. IE AznBoi082281! Lolllllx….

Although I usually don’t like to bore other people with the menial little details of my everyday life (no offense to those who do lolx), bear with me while I go against ideal for a moment as a means to an end.

Yesterday, the guys and girls and I went ice skating at the River Rink at Penns Landing. To all those who helped my darling Lisa through her worries, thank you! Special thanks go out to BenXiaoHai and PrincelyViet who always get my back in matters concerning my better half.

So what was she worried/troubled over? Well, in case you’ve never met me or talked to me, I can be a flirt. Girls ask me how I can flirt when I have a lovely girlfriend who I love dearly. I think they think I’m a monster for doing so. Well hopefully to set things straight once and for all, here is a semi-explanation (which by no means is meant as an excuse for my behavior).

My girl doesn’t like it when I flirt. She understands though that sometimes guys do flirt. She’s incredibly understanding. She also accepts it. When you see or hear me flirting, it’s not because I don’t love my girlfriend. It’s because it’s a part of my nature.

It takes time to remove a part of yourself, doesn’t it? My good friends can attest to the fact that I have been trying to cut down the flirting…it takes time though. There are people who wouldn’t even think of changing for their gfs…there are others who can’t…give me time folks…I can do it!

Oh, and remember…the point is that I can do it because I choose to do it. I am not forced, nor coerced. I am not threatened nor scared. I am neither controlled nor chained. I choose to be how I am. Sorry…I had to emphasize that.